It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
