The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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