There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
