My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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