U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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