just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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