Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
