I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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