At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
