I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
