You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
