If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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