So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
