No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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