dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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