So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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