I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
