Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
