he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
