i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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