I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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