nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.