She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
