Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.