Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?