Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you