Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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