i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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