dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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