So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
