Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
