it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
