all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
