Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
