Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
