if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I see more hoeing in ur future
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