Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
