The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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