you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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