Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We are all done wearing pants today
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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