All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
