you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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