dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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