i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
