Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
