Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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