dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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