I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
