Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
