I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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