shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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