I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The air was thick with penises
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
