craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
