she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
we're so committed to being not committed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
