I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize