Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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