I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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