She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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