Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
