I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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