wat bout pragnant strippers??
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
