God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
