I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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