We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
