ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
