some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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