I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
