Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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