Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
