How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
