My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize