You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
