She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
whose parrot is this?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
