My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
