Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
