Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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