Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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