so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
