My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
