Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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