i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Say something about gay babies.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
